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Posts : 3
Jewel : 7
Join date : 2014-10-19
Location : New-Vegas

PostSubject: PLEASE DELETE, CHARACTER IS CANCELED    Sun Oct 19, 2014 10:27 pm

Name: Bane Galsung

Alias: Iron God or Talos (Brass Tower)

Age: 24

Gender: Male

Guild: Knight's Blade

Rank: A

Pet: Talking Witch Cat named Blair (Use Blair from soul eater as reference, without the ability to turn human.)
Location of Guild Marking: Right pectoral


Appearance: He usually wears a black coat with white designs, hood and white cuffs. It's usually buttoned up. He also wears white gloves, also he has a golden bell attached to his hood and a scar on his left eye due to his intense training. He also wears black pants with a silver belt buckle.    
Height: 6'1''

Weight: 235 lbs

Hair Color: Silver

Eye Color: Black

Guild Mark Color: Black Base with Dark grey lining

Personality: They are usually a reckless person, jumping into the fight without any second thought, and still usually coming out the victor. He usually scolds people who act high and mighty, hoping to knock them down a notch. Also he helps people who have less power than him grow. Simply for a better challenge. He also takes losing hard, he hates losing. He is also a sucker for innocence, not that he falls for it head over heels, but he feels like he has to force himself to do the thing people want him to do.


History: Bane was in Rosemary village (Age 5), a village that was rebuilt a sum 87 years ago? Anyway Bane was the son of a somewhat famous blacksmith, Alvor. He later learned that magic was an infinite source of power. So he decided that he wanted to learn magic, hoping that he would bring more money in for his family after presenting the Idea to his father, He quickly denied the idea, saying being a mage was stupid and he should strive for different goals, he quickly added that someone should tend the forge after he's gone. Bane said that he should give the job to his sister. So he stormed out of the house and into a forest. It was dangerous especially at night, but Bane didn't care, the path he usually took was relatively safe and the path led to his favorite spot. A lake with a waterfall, glimmering in the moonlight. He stood there when he wanted to rest or just think. (Two hours later) Bane decided to go back to the Village, when he saw that the places where he lived, burned to the ground. He saw his family, His mother and father, his sister and the dog they had. Dead. Talos wondered who did this, when a survivor barely alive and speaking said
"The Seven Gods of Sin did this" Then he laid down, dead.
Bane jumped at the name, "The Seven Gods of Sin" They were extremely powerful Mages, and their magic is ancient and incredibly powerful. They were the Aces of the most powerful Dark Guild in the continent. He always feared them, hoping to never face them in, ever. But now, he had to. He began wandering around Fiore, asking people for powerful magic strong enough to defeat The Seven. As soon as they heard that name, they immediately denied favoring their lives than the lives of others. Bane almost had no hope until he met a dragon, Parthuin was his name. He said that Bane wants powerful magic, that he could provide. (Age: 15) After 10 years of painstaking staining, he mastered all the Dragon could teach him. Iron Dragon Slayer Magic, he mastered every secret art as if it was never a secret. Then the Dragon requested to be killed by Bane to achieve the status as "True DragonSlayer". Bane did constant denying saying that Parthuin was the closest thing to a father he had. Nothing would change the Dragon's mind, so Bane obliged but he requested the kill to be a "fair duel" no holds bars from either side. Parthuin complied, and began to attack Bane. During the duel, Bane was immediately  hit with the Dragon's metallic roar, though it didn't phase Bane at all, it left scratch marks and tore bits of his muscle, leaving him unable to do most of the Dragon Slayer secret arts. So Bane jumped up and used an Iron Dragon;s sword, and he chipped the Parthuin's wing, swaying the dragon back and forth a bit, but it quickly regained it's balance and roared again. This time, the attack reached Bane before  Bane even touched the ground, the supposedly powerful Dragon Slayer later flew into the mountain where he trained. Bane destroyed it's peak, knocking it off cutting it shorter by 50 feet at least.
"Iron Dragon's Club!"
Bane yelled into the sky, where his arm grew exponentially long, where at a point where he could easily swing down, which he did of course. He missed. The Dragon Greeted the Slayer immediately after, slamming it's body into the mountain, knocking Bane off. Falling out of the sky at an alarming rate. Bane used an Iron Dragon's Roar and used it as some sort of rocket to raise himself up a little bit, then he allowed himself to fall. He continued this method until he safely landed on the ground. Still, this didn't help him. The Dragon was nose diving toward Bane, wings out. Parthuin later pulled his wings inward to increase his speed and center of mass. Bane was in the unfortunate stance of the losing hand, so he jumped up and used a roar to launch himself closer to the beast, then quickly activating Iron Dragons Scales, ready for a head butting challenge. He then Flipped his body over, then began to use "Karma Demon: Iron Spiral" which turned his legs into a drill. When the two collided, they both remained in the air, for about a minute. Bane and The Dragon was losing momentum from their launches, then to gain momentum the Dragon began to force it's scales off, in huge clumps all around it's body, revealing it's Dark Grey skin, and due to the lighter weight, the dragon was able to force its way through the Karma Demon spell, knocking bane further into the air. Bane seeing the Iron scales, he used a Iron Dragon's Roar to push himself towards one of the clumps. Desperate for revenge of for his family, he used an Iron Dragon's roar to fly away with the scales, leaving Parthuin believing that Bane died in battle
"So the Son of an Iron Dragon, more especially a Dragon Slayer, can't kill a dragon? This makes me question my choice to side with the humans during the Dragon Civil War, if they can't even grant my final wish".
Days later after healing up (by eating half of the scales). As a memento to the Dragon or rather Bane's Father,he kept around 30 of the scales that he found, for Bane knew he may never see him again. (Age: 18) After making a necklace out of the scales (which took forever, magic was used too). Bane began walking around, looking for a guild. The Knights Blade. He later walked into the forest, hoping for a shortcut. He later saw a witch, he wasn't going to bother with her. At least when he saw her mistreating her cat, calling her "useless" and "pathetic" and abusing her by attacking her with witch magic. Bane intervened, telling her to stop.
"This cat? Blair is useless, I have no use for her, That's why I;m going to kill her."
"Stop! I'll....take her off your hands if you don't kill her."
"What do you have for me?"
"This necklace, made of Dragon Scales."
"Oh, I DragonSlayer! I-I Stand no chance against you now. I will take that necklace, it looks good and will serve as a good enchantment holder, or a fortune when sold."
"Fine." Talos proceeded to take off the necklace carefully and hand it to the witch. Surprisingly, the witch kept her promise and let Talos take Blair. Where he proceeded to head to the Knights Blade guild.
"Who are you?" Blair asked
"Your new owner, I won' mistreat you Blair, your name is Blair Galsung now, my little sister."
After they entered the guild hall, Blair and Bane were treated with open arms, then they requested to join the guild. They were accepted into the guild, Bane later became an inspiration for a number of children, and a worst nightmare for some, He also quickly ranked above mages who had been there their whole lives, in only 6 years as well, yet he was never satisfied if he lost since he lost against Parthuin. That is when the story of revenge, family and pain will begin....
(Note: I know Dragon Slayer Magic isn't exactly "allowed" yet (or maybe ever), but it would be nice if you made an exception this once. If not, I'll edit this character for a different story and magic. Thanks, Aian-Shin)

WORD COUNT:  To be dragon Slayer: 1484/1250
TO BE "A" CLASS: 1484/1000


Last edited by Aian-shin on Sat Dec 13, 2014 10:21 pm; edited 5 times in total
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Danny Fang

Posts : 24
Jewel : 147
Join date : 2014-05-05
Rank : Guild Leader of the Falcon Wing
Ether : 100
Strength : 20
Speed : N/A
Defense : N/A

PostSubject: Re: PLEASE DELETE, CHARACTER IS CANCELED    Wed Oct 22, 2014 1:29 pm

While I love your story, I have more then a few things to comment on, So let us start.

First, Welcome to Guild of the Stars! I'm Danny! I'll bew reviewing your character, since I'm the only active admin left as of right now, this site was on a large break.

First, I will say that I like your style of writing. It's flowing. Second, You should know that there is a single issue with your story. You're character, alone, although powerful, most likely can't kill a dragon. Second, I must make sure you know, that over 200 years ago, the moon was eclispsed, and it's never sunny out, which is what I should metion as it's very important.

Next, You should know something about Dragonslayers.On this site, they're rare. Dragons haven't been seen. I'll do a full review when I get back home.
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The Carnival Freak
The Carnival Freak

Posts : 398
Jewel : 382
Join date : 2014-05-05
Age : 27
Rank : N/A
Ether : N/A
Strength : N/A
Speed : N/A
Defense : N/A

PostSubject: Re: PLEASE DELETE, CHARACTER IS CANCELED    Sun Jan 04, 2015 8:37 pm

Are you positive you want to delete this character I mean you can save it for later as you can have more then one character.
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